Thump, Evan heard the noise again. It was definitely coming from his closet. Taking a deep breathe, Evan threw back the covers and landed quietly on the plush carpet. He quietly let out the air trapped in his lungs, stood tall, and walked deliberately over to his closed closet door. He knew that there was nothing to fear. There had never been anything under his bed or in his closet every time he had his parents check when he was a little boy. It must be his old football helmet rolling off the top shelf. Evan would just open the door and put it back up. The problem though was at night, a boy’s imagination could come to so many conclusions. Evan became determined to straighten out the situation so he could go back to bed.
He wrapped his hand over the cool metal knob and turned it slowly to the left. When he heard the click of the dead latch, he flung open the door. The light from the hallway reflected on the creature the minute the door was ajar. Evan screamed as did the monster.
The Closet Monster appeared to be over six feet and has to stoop down in order to fit on top of the hanging clothes. Its eyes were large and round and had a green glow to them, every time the monster swung its head around as it sounded its surprise. The head was round with two large tear drop shaped ears protruding from the top. The inner folds of the ears appeared to be blood red. The body reminded Evan of a large egg. The pink nose stuck out on the end of a large triangular snout and twitch to smell Evan’s scent. Its arms protruded from its shoulders and rested claws upon its hips as if to show impatience at being interrupted. The long tail was wrapped in front of its body holding some prized possession. The gray-blue body rocked in indignation upon its hoofed-shape feet.
Evan blinked his eyes and realized that this monster was …
He wrapped his hand over the cool metal knob and turned it slowly to the left. When he heard the click of the dead latch, he flung open the door. The light from the hallway reflected on the creature the minute the door was ajar. Evan screamed as did the monster.
The Closet Monster appeared to be over six feet and has to stoop down in order to fit on top of the hanging clothes. Its eyes were large and round and had a green glow to them, every time the monster swung its head around as it sounded its surprise. The head was round with two large tear drop shaped ears protruding from the top. The inner folds of the ears appeared to be blood red. The body reminded Evan of a large egg. The pink nose stuck out on the end of a large triangular snout and twitch to smell Evan’s scent. Its arms protruded from its shoulders and rested claws upon its hips as if to show impatience at being interrupted. The long tail was wrapped in front of its body holding some prized possession. The gray-blue body rocked in indignation upon its hoofed-shape feet.
Evan blinked his eyes and realized that this monster was …
Jane's Drawing Sara's Drawing
This was my attempt of Jane's Monster...I am so curious to see what it actually is supposed to look like... :)- Sara
Editing:
Green- added word
Orange- look for a word or look up in a thesaurus.
Light Blue- using a word too many times, omit or find another
Pink- punctuation change or correction needed
Yellow- Awkward word structure change or rewrite.
Thump, Evan heard the noise again. It was definitely coming from his closet. Taking a deep breathe, Evan threw back the covers and landed quietly on the plush carpet. He quietly let out the air trapped in his lungs, stood tall, and walked deliberately over to his closed closet door. He knew that there was nothing to fear. There had never been anything under his bed or in his closet every time he had his parents check when he was a little boy. It must be his old football helmet rolling off the top shelf. Evan would just open the door and put it back up. The problem though was at night, a boy’s imagination could come to so many conclusions. Evan became determined to straighten out the situation so he could go back to bed.
He wrapped his hand over the cool metal knob and turned it slowly to the left. When he heard the click of the dead latch, he flung open the door. The light from the hallway reflected on the creature the minute the door was ajar. Evan screamed as did the monster.
The Closet Monster appeared to be over six feet and has to stoop down in order to fit on top of the hanging clothes. Its eyes were large and round and had a green glow to them every time the monster swung its head around as it sounded its surprise. The head was round with two large tear drop shaped ears protruding from the top. The inner folds of the ears appeared to be blood red. The body reminded Evan of a large egg. The pink nose stuck out on the end of a large triangular snout and twitch to smell Evan’s scent. Its arms protruded from its shoulders and rested its claws upon its hips as if to show impatience at being interrupted. The long tail was wrapped in front of its body holding some prized possession. The gray-blue body rocked in indignation upon its hoofed-shape feet.
Evan blinked his eyes and realized that this monster was …
I was trying to get my picture attempt onto here...I was unsuccessful. Thus, I placed it on top of accidental post of my own write-up. I will try and figure out another option!
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning of your write-up, you have "Taking a deep breathe", should it be "breath"?
ReplyDeleteAlso, this made me understand the abstract thought and imagination of a boy.